With Faith on the Eighth.

On Life, Loss, Meaning and Memory.

One of the greatest privileges of my life has been the opportunity to travel the world and encounter different cultures.  It has exposed me to new ways of seeing, being and doing and I am the richer for it. On my travels, I have had numerous enlightening conversations and received kindness beyond measure from friends who minutes before were unknown. I am naturally friendly and respectfully curious so that person making eye contact with or smiling at a stranger or asking a question that invites connection?  That’s me. I marvel at the lessons I have learnt on each journey. 

It was no different this past spring on a trip to Asia, particularly the four days spent in South Korea.

With Faith on the Eighth.

 The ability to think for yourself.

Realisation sometimes dawns on me slowly.  Take this matter, for instance. It has taken me years of drip-drip awareness to recognise that if ever I had a superpower, this is it: the ability to think for myself.  This realisation has come with age and experience no doubt and has opened doors to what you, like me, are seeking, the joy of living.  Here’s what I wrote in my journal when it truly installed itself in my consciousness.

Today, I woke up with a sunny and grateful heart.  A happy and free heart. Joyous even. It is a new season. I believe I can fly.  I do have a dream but I am not telling.  I will keep it locked in my heart. It will manifest gently. Then I will point to it.  Amen!  I ended the entry with a heart.

I knew what I was writing about then was this superpower which I equate to a freedom from fear. When you can think for yourself, you feel less fear and have more freedom to be who you are and to do what you know fulfils you. Your choices are more authentic in every aspect of your life. This is my experience.

To thrive and flourish, I mean in the way you define that not by some standard that others have set for you, one must be able to think for oneself. This results in an enabling freedom that replaces the crippling call to shrink for fear of judgement by others or worse still, not making others uncomfortable.

I encounter it in hangouts with my favourite group of people- the young adults that life has blessed me with; in random conversations with people I know or strangers I meet, whether sitting next to someone on a train in Edinburgh or at lunch next to a Priest. It pops up with young and old(er), accomplished or those still searching and striving.  It stops us in our tracks holding us in a gentle but unrelenting grip. As fear, it’s harsh but when it shows up as doubt, it’s even more insidious…we start having these negative self-talk conversations with ourselves.  “Who do you think you are? What, me?  How can I possibly think I can do that, be that…  “? Yet, when you step away from the prescribed way and really think for yourself, the magic happens.

Here’s a short and sweet story. 

Developing my current work was a steady and intentional process that involved me digging deep into my authentic self to make choices that resonated with my values. It was a year long process of exploration laden with many questions: “What do I really need? What will make me happy? Who am I pleasing? Will this please me?” I reflected on: how I spend each day; who I am being; what I am doing; what is important to me; what I am learning; who I am spending time with; how I serve and the value I bring-to others and to myself. Answering these questions was essential to shifting the huge mountain that stood between me and the tomorrow that awaited, to safely birth this new dream and to have the courage to be even more courageous.  

I was clear on the content and scope of my work. This Emily Dickinson poem, which is founded in compassion and kindness, captures the essence of my dream so well:  

If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

or cool one pain,

or help one fainting robin unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.       

I was also clear that my brand had to reflect me and all I do. So it was that I bounced off Insightful by Faith off a few people. It is clearly a double entendre because I am a woman of faith (you didn’t know?) Now you do. Smile.

And so it was that a key feedback I got was “Oh, but Faith, you can’t do that.  It’s too churchy and religious, you will put people off, yadi-yadi-yada.”  Yep! 

Well, as I can think for myself…. here we are!

No, but seriously, in this mighty world of how many billion people, if someone wants to exclude me or chooses not to work with me because of my christian faith, what can I say but “You do You”. My faith is a happy consequence of the fully inclusive, beautifully diverse, rich and sometimes messy life that I have lived.  And Faith, a.k.a Me, marches on with love and respect for difference. So here we are indeed.

The ability to think for myself has:

• Given me the freedom to be entrepreneurial and supportive in equal measure

• Brought me self-trust which anchors me

• Led me to aspire to wisdom, with grace

• Attuned my intuition & instinct

• Helped me let go of received knowledge that relies on others processes and methods

• Enlarged my creativity in ways I could never have imagined

• Freed me from checking the flames of whose fears I am fanning

• Satisfied my longing for a fuller, richer and more fulfilled life

• Enriched me with a loving community, and

• Brought me precious and priceless peace.

The thought to share this realisation has been lurking for a while. I know for certain that it can shorten or smoothen someone else’s journey to fulfilment and ignite a spark of freedom from fear. That knowledge makes me happy already.

And now, to you.  Does this open up any awareness for you? If so, explore it and see what happens. I wish you much happiness, freedom and fulfilment.

With love,

Faith

Babe, you’re so blessed.

This realisation dawned on me in the early morning of May 15, a week before leaving on a trip to Asia.

Between travel preparations, client meetings and administrative responsibilities, high on my priorities was having my hair colour and braids done, at two different salons. Sometimes that’s how it is. If you know you know.

I have battled with the “to colour or not to colour” debate for a couple of years. I am at the stage where my entire hairline is grey.  There are times when I look at it and think “meh, who is that person?” and at other times, I quite like it.  My new growth shows up every fortnight post-colour so it is quite an investment to maintain in time and money. 

So, back to May 15^th and my packed pre-travel schedule: I had the hair colour appointment at 9h on the other side of town; then had to get back to my office in time for an online client meeting at 11h; then another at 13h with a Coach in Japan; followed by a 14h15 appointment to have my nails done; another 15h client meeting and at 16h, have my braids done. A day peppered with to-do’s. 

I woke up that morning an hour earlier than usual as I had done some oil treatment overnight and needed to wash my hair before the hair colour. It felt good to have that extra hour so I felt relaxed and unrushed as I prepared to go out. I took my time and brushed my curly hair into a bun and looked in the mirror. The person I saw looking back at me was this absolutely stunning 59-year-old woman with grey hair and perfect skin. I stared at her as though meeting her for the first time. My eyes welled up with tears. I looked down at my feet.

I looked up again in the mirror and the only thought that came to me was “ Babe, you are so blessed!” By this time, I had a solid lump in my throat.

Something in me shifted that morning. I cleared my throat, put my hands together and said, “Lord, I am so grateful that you created me the way that I am”.  I looked at my hair again and it was not grey but bright silver. “Oooh, I thought, “Babe you are hot” laughing out loud to myself as I indulged in this self-appreciation and affirmation.

So guess what I did? I cancelled the appointment to colour my hair thinking to myself, “ I am going to step into my silver.  I am going to step into my beauty at this age and at this stage. I am going to step into the natural Faith that I saw this morning and so loved.”

I am telling you this because this truth changed my life. Here’s why.

Six to eight weeks before, I had had cornrows done straight after having my hair coloured. I did not enjoy the colouring process. the braids were tight and painful. For one week, I went around in this pain thinking “God, why am I doing this to myself?” When I took them out, I had so much breakage; my normally full hairline had thinned out. There and then, I made a promise to myself that I was going to stop treating my hair badly. I would no longer have any chemical treatment done to it. No more colour. No more tiny goddess braids. And yet, here I was, having come so close to breaking that promise.

As memory of this promise came flooding back, I realised God had given me eyes to see what I was not seeing.  The blessing of a full and beautiful head of hair.

Now let me tell you the best part of it.  Remember I had this busy day ahead. The minute I was obedient to cancel that appointment to colour my hair and to step into the beauty that God has created and the person and the message that I will be whenever I step out and people look at me and say: “Wow, Faith does not colour her hair and looks great”, God started arranging things. The magic started happening. If you know you know.

First, I turned on my phone and my appointment with the Japanese Coach was cancelled because he sadly felt unwell.  This worked out great for me as it was backed up to my nail appointment and required quite a juggle.  I wrote to him to wish him well and we agreed to meet in Tokyo where I was headed. My other client meeting was cancelled because his Boss had given him an urgent task. That freed me up yet again to see to other things.  My day that had been so tight now had pockets of air and I could breathe.  That’s not all….

On May 9, the week before that is, I had organised a lunch event for members of the Insightful community in Geneva.  It was fun. We ate well, sang, danced and had great conversation.

The main theme of our discussion was “who are you when you give yourself permission?” Talk somehow shifted to aging, living fully, concepts of beauty and the pressures to look youthful and inevitably, embracing our grey.  I listened to these beautiful women wearing natural styles of salt and pepper hair who had walked this journey before me, including one who started turning grey at 12.

I was full of admiration as I looked at them, inspired by the stories they told of giving themselves full permission to be.  I didn’t know it then but I now know that my seed of freedom was planted on that day. I am thankful to them for sharing their stories with gusto. It took me awhile to understand that their stories enabled me to give myself full permission to embrace my silver on that May 15th morning and I am the better for it. I am proudly rocking my silver and loving it.

This is one of the joys of community.  I never walk alone. You never walk alone.  We never walk alone.  We learn from our journeys together. We are Insightful.

And now to you. 

Who are you when you give yourself full permission? What about you or your life are you not accepting? Look at you from top to toe and ask yourself: what’s not to love? What can you be grateful for and celebrating? Are you drawing inspiration from the people around you? Try it. You may just be pleasantly surprised as I was.

With love,

Faith

The Wisdom in the Room